My last post ended up being more focused than I thought it would be, but I’ve been thinking a lot about Rev’s age lately, too.
I have written before about wanting a puppy. Oh, puppy fever! I’ve said. Yeah. I was sort of telling the truth and sort of lying. I’ve feared getting another dog for years. Years. Like since way back before it was even an option to get another dog. Rev and I have a really, really cool dynamic and one of my biggest fears has been adding a new little soul to the mix and messing it up.
I’m in school, it’s not a good time.
I’m in my 20′s, it’s not a good time.
Money… it’s not a good time. (Do you know how much dog food costs? And Rev’s over here convincing me she should eat raw? Really. She speaks. I’m not even kidding.) (And also vet bills.) (And also dogs need at least 5 leashes each, 3 collars, minimum 2 custom tags, harnesses, TOYS…)
I’ll be traveling, it’s not a good time.
I can’t afford two dogs showing, it’s not a good time. (This actually is probably the most valid… because I can’t. And so I won’t do it. Not for very long anyway.)
While they are all reasonable arguments, they have mostly served as excuses for me. It is responsible not to get a puppy for a variety of these reasons, sure. But that’s not why I was using them. I wasn’t talking myself out of anything, I was justifying my feelings of puppy aversion.
So last weekend we stayed with my friend Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn has a puppy. Her name is Envy and I covered my last post in photos of her. I love Envy. She’s spunky, independent, awesome. She reminds me of Rev, a lot. I played with her tons… and Rev played with her tons. Rev set boundaries, but she played with her. I found myself commenting that I could see something I never thought I would see in Rev: I could see her as a mom.
(Rev is spayed, don’t get any ideas.)
My baby… a motherly figure? An aunt? A grown-up? What? But there she was. In contrast to the young, adorable, spunky Envy, Rev shone as a mature, beautiful, powerful dog. I have been trying to fit her into a puppy mold that she outgrew a long, long time ago. And it hasn’t been fair.
I have felt the unfairness in our relationship. I didn’t know what it was. I was confused. Why were we stuck? That killer connection that we’ve always had… felt clogged? Why couldn’t I talk to her like I used to?
Because she’s not a baby… she’s not a puppy anymore. It can be difficult with Rev, since, as a friend pointed out to me, she’s very comedic in nature. It is actually a huge part of her personality that I don’t think I verbalize enough, but that usually shows up in her photos. She’s got a silly side and often acts like a puppy (and I love it).
But said friend also noted that she doesn’t have to be a punk SNL newbie. When she’s being a goof, Rev is Tina Fey.
Aside: Today Rev decided it was ridiculous that I indulged in a $4 coffee (even if it was a Pumpkin Spice Latte). And also, stop being that girl who instagrams her $4 coffee.
So she knocked it over. Gone. All of it… gone.
In all of her silliness, seriousness, loveliness… Rev is my equal and my partner. But while the cognitive shift may have been there for years, my heart still clung to her puppyhood.
Hey mom, hey dad… I get it. I get why you hesitate to let me fly to Europe alone. Thanks for empowering me to do it anyway.
Rev has been the youngest her entire life. Part of me didn’t know how else to treat her; she was never pushed up in rank by another youngster. I have known her grace for years… but can feel it deep in my soul now, too.
An amazing release to feel this. This dog blesses me with the greatest life shifts. Always.
(P.S. No puppy right now, as far as I can tell. But I’m not afraid of jumping in anymore.)